happy 10 yr, y2k :-P

well....  to encompass what has become of the last 10yrs i will sum it up as best possible:
growth / giving / destiny / intuition / giveaway / and someguthersimgure
it would seem - a lot of 'g' words....
at any rate - it really doesn't matter how you slice it - it comes down to this:

1.  i've one life to live [much schigrin to 2nd life] and nobody else can determine how that is lived
2.  age is irrelevant - as long as you are living your dreams
3.  dreams are important... listen to them
4.  take time... to enjoy the love  hugs you receive
5.  true friendship is rare / note when it is given aloud to those giving
6.  embarassement is an invention - live free

super cheese... but truly the way i feel... thx to those that made 2009 such a pool playing, neighbourhood watching, ppl supernova... lets try to outdo ourselves in 2010 ! with the giving eh ??

lots of love


hmmm, wonder why i've been 'declined' from vintage ladies....
its tough to find your niche these days... and just when your double creme sure.... 

i inherited a lot of nice photog this holiday season

this is a photo of my dads dad... sadly no memoirs written.
he was in the forces & spent nearly 1/2 his career in egypt
he was a heavy drinker and a quiet person who didn't comment much
he shared a box of cracker jacks w/ me once in his back sun room
if he were alive today i think we'd get along & maybe go canoing......


i've been spending a lot of time over this holiday season around small human beings...
since i've taken up knitting the last few weeksn - i would love to have a little one in my life to make capes like this for:

reminiscent of 'where the wild things are'.... i haven't commented much on that film though it was probably the most painfully true to human behaviour type film i've seen in a long while.
i loved the childish lens & the sense of adventure & fear of being alone
hear the indians cry out! as we run through leaf covered forrest floors and go sliding down off the couch into piles & piles of pillows

there are so many children in the world that could probably use my company -> and mine theres
maybe i could become a big sister again... we'll see.


the great skate debacle & debunking the mysteries of spandex

hah - went skating dwntn k towne today, fell pretty bad & it was -15 out... had a blast off
i haven't yet forgotten tonya harding & her poor sportsmanship... i'd bet if she had it to do over things'd be different
i'm considering coaching soccer again this winter... our team was called 'the third wheel' last year
always made me think of flann o'brien's 'the 3rd policeman'.... great read if you haven't already / or even if you have.

had a convo w/ a sweet friend last week re: being in love with skating pairs & sequency skate outfits when we was kids
i sort of confessed that i still find them quite dapper & would wear them if i could get in them.
i found this one which is too sm. for me @ phase 2
am i clinging to a childhood i never even had?
prob just having fun// feels good

.... looking forward to seing paul's lineup of songs @ the toucan this thurs....
thanks to the superlady at 'what'll i wear' for those robins egg blue clips ons - i was always a fan of your loot, you were the ones that got me so head over heals for bowties.

alsoooooo - much forward looking to volunteering with a speech-language pathologist this jan/feb/mar + taking 2 courses this winter!
2010 - here i come!

b is for baltimore.... yaddayadda yadda

so, how do you feel about not being a coward anymore?
you never were one to much care about what others think
really - i think the issue is that you don't trust yourself
and that can sometimes make ppl afraid.

m is for manticore
m is for gutts
-get some

character +.... which can sometimes......

i don’t know if I’ll ever truly understand –
dan told me tonight that a tv series should be made about him.
this here is how he still looks… only about 60 yrs. Older.
he was awfully hard on me tonight & made it quite clear that I am a disappointment when it comes to my memory.

good thing… i know i’m only human & after 1 beer and a bad band w/ Jeremy i feel muchmuch better.
he evokes an angry side to myself i thought had been comepletely abolished.  it reminds me of him & makes me want to grow to be a better person.

well... without further ado - this is him on the L.
this is him & this will always be him. 
to sum him up [and i love him dearly] he is stubborn / opinionated / uncontrolled & with that also comes 
adventure / creativity / pride / and a blinding love for family.... suppose you take the good w/ the bad.
overall - i don't really think i'd change a thing.

dad, i know you don't read my lj - but i love you & i'll be sure to tell you in my sleep (and first thing in the morning if you haven't already left for texas)

good night.


triple lutz & a sowcow

i'd better go lake-skating before spring arrives.
notetoself: go to phase 2 & get the most spandexy/sparkly/70zy skating
outfit known to mankind to wear skating around dwntn nyc

ASC ii

old ramblings... found at the farm ('04-'09) RIP

the night before i was in the bath, looking out.
i rocked back&forth trying to see over the side.
i dreampt i let pedestrians into a coffeehouse that wasn't mine & when a lady came the next day to lock up, i prevented her fr. going upstairs because i didn't want her to see all the people sleeping there fr. the night before.
the night before.
a deep heavy object rolled up along and fell
"so why'd they call you old timer anyways"?
i'm timing what i gots left
"and is it...."?
yeah, i think it'll be enough


One: I don't remember that doctor's name now, and it doesn't even matter. She thought he was the B-all end-All. She kept taking the sleeping pills when what she really needed was a pelvic floor repair. I think it ended in 'with', his last name.
Two: When we moved I was in the back of her small yellow Vegga. The sun was bright, and so there was an afghan over the carrier. I saw the whole town through mint green wool.


pull one off
last night i dreampt that i lost several of my top rown teeth, so many that the whole gum eventually loosened.  as i tried to put them back in my mouth smiling and attempting o talk to ghostly passersby - i realized i had a whole other layer of teeth behind.  the old layer seemed to disintegrate as i took them out of my mouth.  nobody but me knew, i kept running my tongue across them as i walked.  then recalled the feeling of losing a tooth as a child, the satisfy salty blood taste, the sound inside you hear as the sinewy canker part is the only part left and you rip away at it, the hole that is left behind and the way i'd poke my tongue up inside unil one day i could feel something hard poking through.
freud likens teeth loss in dream to masturbation anxiety and deems these "dreams due to dental stimulus"
while i agree, i am a sexual repressed woman at this time... i feel it is different.
when i lost my teeth, there was another row right behind.
lately i've had a difficult time letting belongings and past memories go, little by little i am becoming better at it.
one recurring theme in my life right now is that when you let go - you truly do make room for something else.
thats more how it was in the dream, i was trying to keep these degrading teeth in my mouth because i was afraid.  i was afraid of how ppl would look at me, i was afraid of how i'd talk, and how i'd look when i saw myself.
i never really thought about how i'd chew my food - i wasn't concerned about that [ah, we are so vain!].
to + another layer i have a dentist appointment on jan 4th... should be good

xox,  toothfaerie


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